So I have cancer...
So while below I have scribbled much as I went along this journey. Let me add first the simple executive summary.
• I have Stage 3a Melanoma (skin cancer).
• It carries a 5 year survival rate of about 70%
• Earlier this week we didn’t know whether the survival rate would be 25% or 75%
• We have some awesome freaking friends
• I profess my faith and trust in God for delivering on the many prays said on my behalf and getting us this far with such good medical care.
Next Steps
• Another quick surgery
• Another bunch of tests
• Another bunch of consults around fertility before the dreaded…
• Year of nasty drugs. It won’t be “Chemo” but the drug carries similar side effects in both breadth and severity
• A quick one module sabbatical from the MBA program (I hope)
• I plan on surviving this and living a long healthy life
Notes on Death
Melanoma he said over my cell phone at 8:30am, along with the fact I needed to come in earlier than previously scheduled. “Huh” was the only passing thought, as I went back to work. It was month end close, and I had to play the role of an accountant again this month. I didn’t think about it again during the day.
At the appointment late that afternoon, I still didn’t think much of it. Yeah, ok I thought, so you’re a generalist and since it’s a big chunk of skin, you want a plastics surgeon to cut it out. Fine, I mean it’s just skin cancer. Then finally I get my head in the game, benign is good, malignant is bad, but what does melanoma mean as a type of cancer? What’s that you say? All Melanoma is malignant. Oh! So has it spread? We don’t know, and away we go into more explanation of a general sort that seems to put me at ease.
From stage left enters Mr Gore and his lovely invention “the internet”. A word of warning, stay away from the internet if the doctor has already told you that they won’t know much until after some tests come back. More importantly, if you wait for each of the several surgical consults, then it’s a little gift each visit. The internet on the other hand, gives you way too many possibilities and complications to think about. Things you don’t need to think about until after you get the results of the next test.
So you have all this great generic information, you kind of know the odds, but you really don’t know anything concrete. So you wonder, you wonder and you fear. You fear, for death may just be knocking on your door, or worse, he has already wandered in and made himself comfortable to wait until it’s time for you both to leave together. Worse, he might spend a considerable kicking the crap out of you first…
The internet is not only a horror for yourself, you’ll find it used against you as well. While I may go to my deathbed swearing I’m smarter than my wife, she will forever work harder and dig deeper into things. The feisty little thing that she is, dug deep, not just into what I had, but how best to manage it since obviously her only acceptable answer is for me to survive. The resulted in the honest question; do you really want to survive if you’re never going to eat steak again? Horrible as it may seem, our little beloved knife of a research tool has indeed declared that you must cut away the complex fats in meat and beef in particular. The leads to new and exciting menu options, most of which are vegetarian, and you should note that I’ve never known a tree hugging quack of a vegetarian over five and a half feet, let alone six and a half. I got to six foot five inches by eating, eating well and eating a lot. Unfortunately, it is nothing but bottom of the food chain grub from now on out.
I did have an early win on the internet front. I commanded from on high that Cat should not read any further on the internet, which I believe saved her much stress. While she was busy on the nutrition front, I had delved into stats and survival rates. Keeping her in the dark about some of that was a blessing for as long as it lasted. (Last week)
The secrecy has also been hard to deal with. Who do you tell and when. My mother certainly couldn’t be told in the beginning because well, the results of that are unpredictable and just something I’d hate to have to deal with. Will she go off the deep end mentally; would she show up on our door step? I can’t fathom it. Then there are the friends, I feel almost dishonest, but what would you tell them, currently we just don’t know. Thankfully that will now be past us as well.
The cross roads I stand at presently are both a relief and yet still quite daunting. The diagnosis is not nearly as bad as it could be. I believe we caught it in time so to speak, and the future treatments are considered a preventative but necessary therapy. They will be rough on all of us, but with friends, family and faith I know we’ll get through it.
• I have Stage 3a Melanoma (skin cancer).
• It carries a 5 year survival rate of about 70%
• Earlier this week we didn’t know whether the survival rate would be 25% or 75%
• We have some awesome freaking friends
• I profess my faith and trust in God for delivering on the many prays said on my behalf and getting us this far with such good medical care.
Next Steps
• Another quick surgery
• Another bunch of tests
• Another bunch of consults around fertility before the dreaded…
• Year of nasty drugs. It won’t be “Chemo” but the drug carries similar side effects in both breadth and severity
• A quick one module sabbatical from the MBA program (I hope)
• I plan on surviving this and living a long healthy life
Notes on Death
Melanoma he said over my cell phone at 8:30am, along with the fact I needed to come in earlier than previously scheduled. “Huh” was the only passing thought, as I went back to work. It was month end close, and I had to play the role of an accountant again this month. I didn’t think about it again during the day.
At the appointment late that afternoon, I still didn’t think much of it. Yeah, ok I thought, so you’re a generalist and since it’s a big chunk of skin, you want a plastics surgeon to cut it out. Fine, I mean it’s just skin cancer. Then finally I get my head in the game, benign is good, malignant is bad, but what does melanoma mean as a type of cancer? What’s that you say? All Melanoma is malignant. Oh! So has it spread? We don’t know, and away we go into more explanation of a general sort that seems to put me at ease.
From stage left enters Mr Gore and his lovely invention “the internet”. A word of warning, stay away from the internet if the doctor has already told you that they won’t know much until after some tests come back. More importantly, if you wait for each of the several surgical consults, then it’s a little gift each visit. The internet on the other hand, gives you way too many possibilities and complications to think about. Things you don’t need to think about until after you get the results of the next test.
So you have all this great generic information, you kind of know the odds, but you really don’t know anything concrete. So you wonder, you wonder and you fear. You fear, for death may just be knocking on your door, or worse, he has already wandered in and made himself comfortable to wait until it’s time for you both to leave together. Worse, he might spend a considerable kicking the crap out of you first…
The internet is not only a horror for yourself, you’ll find it used against you as well. While I may go to my deathbed swearing I’m smarter than my wife, she will forever work harder and dig deeper into things. The feisty little thing that she is, dug deep, not just into what I had, but how best to manage it since obviously her only acceptable answer is for me to survive. The resulted in the honest question; do you really want to survive if you’re never going to eat steak again? Horrible as it may seem, our little beloved knife of a research tool has indeed declared that you must cut away the complex fats in meat and beef in particular. The leads to new and exciting menu options, most of which are vegetarian, and you should note that I’ve never known a tree hugging quack of a vegetarian over five and a half feet, let alone six and a half. I got to six foot five inches by eating, eating well and eating a lot. Unfortunately, it is nothing but bottom of the food chain grub from now on out.
I did have an early win on the internet front. I commanded from on high that Cat should not read any further on the internet, which I believe saved her much stress. While she was busy on the nutrition front, I had delved into stats and survival rates. Keeping her in the dark about some of that was a blessing for as long as it lasted. (Last week)
The secrecy has also been hard to deal with. Who do you tell and when. My mother certainly couldn’t be told in the beginning because well, the results of that are unpredictable and just something I’d hate to have to deal with. Will she go off the deep end mentally; would she show up on our door step? I can’t fathom it. Then there are the friends, I feel almost dishonest, but what would you tell them, currently we just don’t know. Thankfully that will now be past us as well.
The cross roads I stand at presently are both a relief and yet still quite daunting. The diagnosis is not nearly as bad as it could be. I believe we caught it in time so to speak, and the future treatments are considered a preventative but necessary therapy. They will be rough on all of us, but with friends, family and faith I know we’ll get through it.
posted by Craig at
8:09 PM
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